


Oh Felicia, Where the fuck are we?

by TalesInInkAndStars



Category: Being Human (UK), Poldark (TV 2015) RPF, Return to Treasure Island (TV), The Almighty Johnsons, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Bad Puns, Braaainnnnnss, But its gonna be damn fun, Crack, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Dancing, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Girls with Guns, Joint story, Just a giant load of dorks, M/M, Not much plot, Not sure where its going, OC's - Freeform, Rave, Smut, Soo much sex, Violence, We had a blast, just go with it, oh god the puns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-26 06:03:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3839827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalesInInkAndStars/pseuds/TalesInInkAndStars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Aidan awake in the midst of a zombie apocalypse with no idea what to do so it's lucky there's four versions of themselves standing around their beds to help them out then isn't it?  </p>
<p>They find a car and head out into the countryside and meet up with T and Rebel, two weapon bearing bad asses that lead them to a secure base ran by yet more doppelgänger's! </p>
<p>This is the story of the trouble they get into as they try to survive the zombie apocalypse. Ladies and Gentlemen... welcome to hell</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Nobody how, when or why it started or how it spread. At first it wasn’t even noticeable. Most of the people it affected at first didn’t think much of it. They felt a little run down, a little overtired, but who the fuck wasn’t these days. Then their colour started to go off. After that the chills, fingers and toes feeling like they’d been walking outside without shoes or gloves. Then the drying out of mouths and noses and eventually eyes. By the time anyone thought to go to a doctor, it was too far gone. The first ones they got to hospital only managed another week or two before their brain function started to depreciate. Language went first, until there were only the most basic animal sounds left. Then reason and control. Finally the basic urges were all that were left, hunger and the constant search for food. It was as though they were slowly dying from the inside out. Skin faded to grey parchment stretched over bones, eyes sunk and sometimes dried out completely. Teeth loosened and fell out. And as tissues desiccated their gait changed becoming shambling and slow.

The newer ones still remembered who they had been. And they hunted the ones who were still alive, still normal, hating them for representing what they had lost. All it took to change was a bite or a trace of bodily fluids coming into contact. And so they spread until there were few of the other left, an insidious disease spreading across countries and borders.

2 Months in

A car sat parked on the outcrop of the hill. It over looked the fields and they town in the distance. A man sat in the front seat of the car and starred out over the landscape. Smoke was rising into the air and the man looked down for a moment. They’d been driven out of their home in the city. They’d packed up all they could and attached their trailer to the back of their car before taking off. He looked up at the blonde leaning against to hood of the car, map in hand. He was tilting his head in confusion. The man in the front seat stuck his head out of the window. 

“You ok there?” The man turned and his face was still scrunched up. He walked back to the car and climbed in.

“I don’t know Mal, I never could read maps and who knows where’s safe anymore.” Mal reached down and took his hand, bringing it to his lips. He pressed a soft kiss against the knuckles.

“It’ll be ok Car, we've got food and water and I've got my hunting rifle in the back okay” Carver nodded and Mal revved the engine and sped off. 

“I hope you’re right Mal.” Carver murmured, looking out of the passenger window. “I hope so…”


	2. Mostly we're just fucking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wakes after a drunken night out to find the world outside his hotel room has changed rather drastically... and there were three more of him than there should be standing around his bed...

Dean knew that last beer had been a bad idea. It was not in his nature to be unsociable though and so one last beer had turned into two last beers which turned into three and, oh look tequila, and then the evening had gone to shit. His last clear recollection was being put in a cab by Adam and Aidan, the little binge drinking bastards, and being sent back to his hotel. The actual trip inside and into the lift and into his room was a non-existent black hole in his memory. He wasn’t sure what the last few rounds of shots had been, but he suspected absinthe was somehow involved because he was convinced he had been hallucinating when he’d woken somewhere around four in the morning with a godawful case of cotton mouth and heard voices talking in his room.

But now, when he knew that the alcohol had definitely worn off judging by the guy with the fucking sledgehammer currently trying to excavate his skull from the inside out, he had no explanation as to why he could still hear them. In fact he could hear them very clearly and in close proximity to his bed. 

‘Will he actually wake up sometime before midday?’

‘I don’t have a clue. He’s a bit of a lightweight when it comes to drinking.’

‘He’d make a terrible dwarf.’ 

‘Ok, that’s a fucking weird thing to say. Technically you are him.’

‘I am most certainly not. I am very much myself.’

‘All right, all right. You dwarves are so touchy. Hey, watch the sword!’ 

‘If you insult dwarves one more time, you will be wearing your b…’ 

‘Bloody well shut up, both if you! You’re worse than a bunch of midshipmen!’ 

That last sentence got Dean’s attention. This was getting just too weird. He cracked open one eye and realised the voices belonged to actual people. There were three fuzzy figures all standing around his bed and looking down at him. He focused a little harder, hissing at the sharp pain in his head. Once they swam into focus though he was astounded at what he saw. 

It was him. Or rather three of him. But not. The really short one with the braids and fierce expression was unmistakeable. The one dressed like a refugee from a costume drama equally so. And the one with the smirk that would put most women in a slapping mood most definitely so. But why were they all standing around his bed? He must have voiced this thought aloud because he got an answer.  
‘Just be thankful the rest didn’t turn up.’ the one he knew was Anders said. ‘They wanted to come, but we put a limit on three.’ 

‘It was suggested that we come as we have the skills that would be most appropriate for the situation.’ the one he knew was Jim Hawkins said, crossing his arms and looking most unimpressed at Dean’s current condition.

‘After all, we have to keep you alive if we want to stay alive.’ the one who was obviously Fílí added. ‘That is apparently how it works.’ 

‘How what works?’ Dean managed to ask, ‘And why do you have to keep me alive.’ 

‘Oh, that one’s easy to answer.’ Anders said, ‘So the bloody zombies don’t eat you.’

********

Oh Christ Almighty, there were zombies. Dean had thought Anders was winding him up until he’d turned on the news. And there they were, honest to god motherfucking zombies. His language had quite deteriorated, much to Anders’ amusement and Jim’s mild horror. He sat on the edge of the bed, watching as Anders, Jim and Fili looked on watching his every expression. 

‘This can’t be fucking happening.’ he breathed.

‘Oh it is.’ Ander said cheerfully. ‘They’re eating brains and everything.’ 

‘It is a most strange state of affairs.’ Jim added.

‘You speak oddly.’ Fili said, looking at him. Jim raised an eyebrow, then whacked him on the back of the head. Fili growled back at him. It was unexpectedly adorable. Dean looked at Anders.

‘He can’t help it.’ Anders said grinning, ‘It’s Jim’s default way of dealing with anyone under five feet tall.’ 

‘I need to call someone.’ Dean said, and reached for his mobile. He hit redial, and waited. Thankfully it began to ring. After what seemed like forever a very uncertain voice answered.

‘Dean?’ Aidan asked.

‘Yeah. Are you, you?’

‘Yeah I am. You ok?’

‘I‘ve been better.’ Dean said, pinching the bridge of his nose and trying not to burst into hysterical laughter, ‘But you won’t believe who I’m with.’

‘I wouldn’t bet on it. Let’s just say Mitchell, Ross and Kili all say hi.’ 

‘Oh, fuck me.’ Dean groaned. ‘What is going on?’ 

‘I don’t know.’ Aidan suddenly switched focus talking to someone in the room with him. ‘Yes, fine just...no I’m not going to ask him that and no you can’t talk to him, Jesus Christ Kili!’ He switched back to Dean. “Look do me a favour and give Anders the phone quickly. Mitchell wants to talk to him.’ Dean frowned, but held out the phone to Anders. 

‘Apparently Mitchell wants to talk to you.’ He said, and Anders smiled and took the phone. 

‘Hey babe.’ he said, and Dean did a double take at the endearment and the affection in his voice. Anders noticed the others watching him and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

‘Now that’s just rude.’ Fili grumbled, ‘If he can talk to his boyfriend, I don’t see why I can’t talk to Kili. We are bonded after all.’ 

‘I’m sorry, what?’ Dean asked, not sure if had actually heard what he thought he just had. 

‘They’re bonded.’ Jim said calmly, ‘I believe it is the equivalent of being married in their world.’ Dean turned to Fili who was nodding in agreement. 

‘But you’re brothers!’ he protested.

‘So?’ came the indignant answer. Anders came out of the bathroom.

‘Right.’ he said, ‘Mitchell is getting all of them to come over here and get all of us. Aidan has a car.’ 

‘Hang on.’ Dean interjected, ‘What the hell was all that ‘babe’ stuff?’ Anders just smirked at him.

‘Didn’t we tell you Dean? We’re from the shipping AU. We’re all couples.’

‘WHAT?’

‘That is correct.’ Jim said, ‘We are all romantically involved with out counterpart from our world.’ Dean gaped at him.

‘So you and Ross…’ he trailed off.

‘Correct.’ 

‘And you two…’ he looked at Fili who drew himself up proudly.

‘We’re married.’

‘And you…’ the final look was for Anders.

‘Well,’ he said grinning, ‘we’re mostly just fucking.’


	3. Seriously Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aidan and co make their way to Dean's hotel and the group leave the city to find help...

Getting to Aidan’s car had not been as easy as it had first sounded. For one thing it was at the very bottom of the building and for another, most of the stairways were blocked by armies of the undead. Ross and Kili had lead the way, respective weapons drawn with Aidan and Mitchell staying behind them, exchanging looks with varying degrees of relief for having two skilled warriors in their mist. Ross was dispatching infected with the precision that made him lethal. Aidan watched him take down zombie after zombie and grinned. It was probably to be expected with all the military training he’d had. Kili looked like he was having a field day. Unlike Ross, he was twirling and jumping and performing all sorts of moves that Aidan thought were probably unnecessary. 

They made it to the car and Mitchell slapped Ross on the shoulder.

“Damn Ross you’re amazing!” Ross’s expression softened as her cleaned his sword.

“Thank you John. I am pretty cold.” Aidan laughed.

“Cold?” Mitchell cracked up and the two of them lent on each other as they laughed. Kili and Ross cocked their heads at them.

“Oh god,” Aidan wiped his eyes and used Mitchell too keep himself upright. He watched Ross frown and Kili shrug at his confused expression. “It’s cool Ross, not cold.” 

It was strange how used to these three he was already but it literally like talking to himself. They were all alike in more ways than their looks. Aidan knew for a fact that without them. He wouldn't be able to get to Dean and he certainly wouldn't have survived in this apparent overnight zombie apocalypse. 

Mitchell decided to drive. Ross sat in the passenger seat and Aidan and Kili piled into the back.

“So let me get this straight.” He said. “You are all here with me and Jim, Anders and Fili are all with Dean?” Aidan was full of questions but he didn’t know how to even begin to answer them. Kili nodded enthusiastically.

“You’re lucky that it was only us that came to help you, there were hundreds of other versions but we got picked because we have the best skill sets to help you through this.”

“Ok and you are in a relationship with Fili? Your brother Fili?” Kili drew himself up to his full height of five feet and stated indignantly.

“We’re bonded! I’m his one as he is mine! Our being brothers has nothing to do with it. You cannot choose your one Aidan.” Aidan held up his hands and turned to the two men in the front seat. 

“And you and Jim Ross?” Ross smiled wryly at him and nodded. 

“It took me some time to see it but yes. We are in love.” Aidan turned to Mitchell who grinned and shrugged his shoulders.

“The little shit just pulls you in. No matter where he is.” The others nodded and Aidan frowned. 

“Not Dean, I don’t see him like that.” Mitchell clucked his tongue and continued driving. Ross hid a small smile and Kili patted Aidan’s shoulder.

“Of course not Aidan. Of course not.” 

After a second phone call from Dean, Mitchell managed to find his apartment building and all four of them climbed the stairs. Mitchell carried a long piece of wood and Aidan a rusting pipe.   
Dean threw open the door and immediately hugged Aidan who clung on just as tightly. 

“Do you have any idea what in the flying fuck is going on here?” He asked. Dean shook his head. 

“None whatsoever. All I know is I came home last night and woke up with this lot bickering at my bedside.” Aidan looked over Dean’s shoulder and saw Kili, Mitchell and Ross standing with their respective partners. Fili and Kili touched foreheads and whispered their greetings to each other. Jim was worriedly checking Ross for injuries and Mitchell and Anders were all over each other. Having so many versions of Dean standing before him made Aidan’s head ache all over again. It was crazy. A pirate Dean, Dwarf Dean, God Dean and Dean Dean, all standing in the same room. 

“So what do we do now?” Ander’s looked at them.

“Well now we drive away from this zombie infested shit hole and find somewhere safer.” 

“We should wait until the cover of darkness.” Jim said, folding his coat and sitting on Dean’s sofa. “It’ll be safer then.”

“What will we do?” Kili sagged. 

 

They ended up playing cards. Jim pulled out a deck from his coat and taught everyone to play. Ross was a hopeless gambler and it seemed that the same could be said for all the Aidan’s. Kili and Aidan looked as confused as ever when Jim finished explaining the rules. Ander’s was surprisingly good having never played before and Dean was also doing rather well. After a while Anders got bored of the game and got up to use the bathroom, dragging a grinning Mitchell along with him. Jim pulled Ross aside to try and teach him how play and Fili and Kili snuggled up on Dean’s bed. 

 

When Ander’s and Mitchell returned, both with shit eating grins on their faces. Kili insisted on trying on Ross’s coat. It swamped him and Kili giggled before wandering over to Mitchell, demanding to wear his gloves. Mitchell said no and the two began squabbling. Mitchell held his hands above his head and Ross laughed as they watched Kili jump up and down trying to reach it. As he considered the scene in front of him he spoke to his friend. Kili began an attack on Mitchell’s knees and made a sound of triumph as Mitchell dropped his hands to protect himself. He grabbed the gloves and slid them on. They were much too big for his fingers and the coat hung off of him. Aidan found it rather sweet. 

He and Dean had sat on the floor by the door and watched the versions of themselves as they interacted with their partners. 

“This is so fucking weird.” Dean mumbled, watching Jim reluctantly handing over his coat to Fili, who slipped it on and rolled the sleeves, commenting on the craftsman’s ship of the garment. Anders wasn’t even trying to hide his glee as Mitchell chased Kili, trying to retrieve his gloves.

“You’re telling me.” Aidan replied. “I don’t know how much of this I can take Aid.” Aidan shook his head but laughed when Kili moved around Mitchell, causing him to crash into the wall. 

When night fell they left Dean’s apartment and climbed back into Aidan’s car. It was a tight fit but they just about made it with Fili, Kili and Anders all occupying laps. Much to the disgust and irritation of Anders and the embarrassment of Fili and Kili. Aidan drove out of the city, hitting several zombies as he went and drove north. They passed ghost towns and villages and swarms of infected that chased them for miles but Aidan kept just ahead of them. 

The car broke down just outside of Lincolnshire and as they were trying to fix it, a horde of infected came lumbering up the road towards them. Fili, Kili, Ross and Jim all pulled their weapons and started fighting. Swinging daggers and knocking arrows with terrifying accuracy. Mitchell and Anders threw stones whilst Aidan and Dean hid in the car. Yelling and swearing out of the windows. And that’s when the car pulled up a few meters from them. The two girls within starring open mouthed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for Kudos, comments and bookmarks. You would not believe the excited messages that T and I have been sending back and forth about this! 
> 
> We never expected the response to be this good after only one day of posting so thanks xD
> 
> Next we get to meet T and Rebel (Yes we put ourselves into the story...)


	4. Thelma and Louise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So the mysterious T and Rebel arrive out of nowhere after escaping a group of crazed survivors...

The stark contrast from the flickering light of the broken chandelier in the bedroom to the darkness of the unlit hallway was giving Rebel a headache. She blinked rapidly, trying to dispel the darkness. It took her a few moments and once she could see the vague outlines of walls and windows she could hear something faintly but getting louder. She frowned in concentration as she listened. Voices.

She dropped to a crouch as a beam of light pierced the space above her. She heard them calling for her and for T, yelling insults and barking orders to fan out. She kept still and quiet until the light gave one last sweep of the hallway above her and moved off. The sound of the group fading as the rounded the corner of the building. She stood and, moving cautiously, she made her way to the door on the far side of the hallway. It opened with a slight creak and she felt her heart lurch. She waited for a sign that they'd heard her. None came and she allowed herself to breathe again. She pulled open the door and moved in the opposite direction the group had taken.

“Damn it T where are you?” she muttered to herself as she ran. She hadn’t seen the red head for an hour at least. Panic started to rise in her stomach but she pushed it down and kept running. She left the hotel behind her and headed to where she thought the entrance to the town was hopefully the car was still there. If she could get to it then she’d stand a better chance at finding her friend. The town gates loomed ahead of her but a loud laugh stopped her dead, she turned and saw one of the men standing a few meters away from her, grinning maniacally. 

“God damn it can’t you drop it already! There is more to worry about than a few missing supplies!” The man didn’t respond and started bounding towards her. She turned sharply and entered what looked like the town’s library. She burst through the doors, moving quickly and made for the main room, knocking over every book case in her way, trying to trip them up, to slow them down. She heard one man curse as he fell, tripping over a heavy case and colliding with the floor. The exit was right in front of her and she was turning the lock and then bursting into the alleyway beyond, she didn't stop. Sprinting wildly, she went left and ran faster. Her muscles screamed at her and she ignored them, she was used to the strain by now. The alleyway came to a stop and she had to skid to avoid smashing face first into the wall. She was trapped, pressed against the cold stone wall of the building and the figures fasting approaching her. 

There was the sound of approaching footsteps from above her and she looked up.

“Oh you arse.” T’s smiling face looked down at her and she held out a hand. 

“I was looking for you everywhere!” She grabbed the hand and was hauled up the wall. Once they were both up on the wall Rebel took the offered gun and the two girls looked at each other. “You had to steal from the arseholes that hold a grudge didn’t you?” Rebel raised an eyebrow at her. 

“You were the one that wanted more batteries for your sodding radio, it never works anyway.”

“I’m fixing it!” She said indignantly. The men were beginning to scale the wall and the two turned to go the other way but stopped when they saw a hoard of people stumbling towards them. “Aw hell.” T cursed, bringing up her gun “Infected.” Rebel looked around frantically. 

“This way!” she leapt for the ladder of the next building, T right behind her. They ran across roofs, blocking out the sounds of confrontation as the men and the infected met in their pursuit. 

They got back to the car as the infected were rounding the corner. T got in the driver’s side and Rebel took up the position in the back, firing at those who got too close. T put the car in gear and it thundered through the town’s gates, kicking up dust in its wake.

When she was sure that the men weren't following them and that, for once, the infected had come in handy, she relaxed back into the seat. She and T’s eyes met in the rear view mirror and they began to laugh.

“One of these days we won’t be so lucky!” Rebel wheezed, leaning back and closing her eyes. 

“But it is not this day!” T grinned. Rebel gave a faint laugh but kept her eyes closed. 

A while later Rebel was jerked awake by the car suddenly lurching to a halt.

“What the bloody hell T?” She sat upright to look out of the front wind screen. “What the…” 

T rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands, and then looked again. No, they were still there. She looked across at Rebel whose mouth was hanging open slightly in amazement. Oh good, obviously whatever hallucination this was, was catchy.

‘Ok,’ she started, ‘let’s dismiss the obvious possibilities. How long have we been on the road?’

‘Three days.’

‘And in that time I haven’t had anything alcoholic to drink, or taken any drugs or consumed any dubious chemical substances.’

‘That is true, yes.’

‘And you’re too young to do so.’

‘Correct.’

‘Your youth also gives you the benefit of superior vision.’

‘Oh, most definitely.’ 

‘So, tell me my young friend and accomplice. Do you also see four copies of our illustrious leaders, some of whom are in, and this is a very important detail you understand, what appears to be fancy dress?’

‘As a matter of fact, I do.’

‘Fucking hell.’

‘I second that.’

**************

The Aideans watched as the doors of the car opened and two women got out, one shorter than the other. They were both dressed for combat conditions, in jeans, boots and wearing what appeared to be army vests over their t-shirts. What was a little more alarming was the quantity of weaponry they were carrying. Each had two handguns, holsters strapped to each thigh, and there were flash bang canisters and a couple of grenades in their combat vests. The older red haired one was even wearing a Kevlar helmet with what appeared to be graffiti all over it. The younger had on a floppy eared hat, a little too large for her. It gave her a very disarming look, completely at odds with the confident way she drew her gun and aimed it directly at them. The older one did the same.

“Ok, now what the fuck do we do?’ Dean hissed at Aidan who looked at Anders and Mitchell. ‘We’re about to accosted by Thelma and fucking Louise.’

‘How do you know their names?’ Kili asked, eyes wide as he looked at the two women. The modern Aideans rolled their eyes. Kili had trouble separating the literal and the metaphorical. They had thought this was a dwarf thing until Fili pointed out that it was actually just a Kili thing. 

They watched as the women approached, guns held steady. Then Anders took the initiative stepping forwards with his hands held up in a gesture of supplication.

‘Ladies,’ he began, giving them his most charming smile, ‘we are very glad to see you.’ The brunette turned to the red head.

‘Well, he certainly sounds like him.’ 

‘Yes, he does. But he’s different as well. They all are.’ Thrown by their statement about ‘him’, Anders frowned.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said, ‘who’s ‘him’?’

‘She means you dumb arse.’ The red head said before turning to her companion, ‘He’s certainly not as bright, that’s for damn sure.’ 

‘Oh Christ.’ Anders said, ‘There are more of us?’

‘Oh yes.’ The brunette replied, smiling far too gleefully for his liking, ‘and they’re going to love you lot.’

After introductions had been made, the women helped them with the car. They had introduced themselves as Rebel and T.

‘Like the drink?’ Mitchell asked.

‘No.’ she laughed, ‘Like the dinosaur.’ 

“That makes no sense.’ he’d retorted and T laughed even louder, something she seemed to do a lot. 

‘Neither does driving around with a bunch of cosplayers. ’She said, ‘are you not even properly armed How the fuck have you lot managed to stay alive?’ 

‘Mostly with them.’ Anders said, gesturing to the dwarves and the eighteenth century boys, as he was coming to think of them. ‘They’re very good with their swords.’

‘I’ll bet.’ T smirked, throwing Rebel a look, who giggled and waved them towards the boot of the car. They all followed, the shorter dwarves ousting their way to the front.

‘Ta da!’ she said, opening the boot and gesturing like a magician revealing a grand trick.

‘Fuck me.’ Mitchell said, looking in. There were enough weapons in the boot to stock an arsenal.

‘We have handguns, rifles, machetes, grenades, a couple of blocks of C4, one military issue flame-thrower and a crossbow.’ she said grinning. ‘Go wild.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, here's how it works xD
> 
> We've got a tag team thing going on here so there are two peoples writing in this chapter and there will continue to be. II think we work quite well together (T the dear is hilarious xD) 
> 
> Thanks for the response so far! I think there'll be one more chapter by the end of today so stay tuned!


	5. Sweet Home Avocado

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey to T and Rebel's base begins and Dean and Aidan find out that the two bad asses with guns were really just giant nerds in disguise

Suitably armed, and having decided their own car was definitely out of commission, they had to scout around for a new one. Thankfully, they found a long abandoned second hand car dealership not too far down the road. There was a minivan there and Dean and Aidan gave it a speculative look.

‘It would fit all of us in it.’ Dean said, and Aidan agreed.

‘It’s an old man car.’ Anders complained when they showed it to him, ‘You wouldn’t catch me dead in that thing.’ 

‘We may well catch you dead out of it,’ Dean pointed out, ‘when we leave you and Dracula over there behind.’ Somehow, as if by osmosis the Deans had all picked up Anders’ pet name for Mitchell, even if Fili and Jim had to have the reference explained to them. It amused Anders enormously and made Mitchell scowl like there was no tomorrow. 

‘Fine, but then I am at least driving.’ Ander said. ‘You,’ he continued looking pointedly at Aidan, ‘drive like an old woman with a hip replacement.’ 

‘Fine,’ Dean said, throwing up his hands, ‘we’ll go round up the others, you go find the keys for the damn thing.’

They had to break into the office, Mitchell using his strength to force the lock on the door, looking surprised at the lack of alarm.

‘There’s been no electricity in the North for months.’ T called from where she and Rebel were leaning against the hood of their car, watching them.

‘Exactly how long has this situation been in place?’ Ross asked her, and she shrugged.

‘About seven or eight months now.’ She turned to Rebel for confirmation and Rebel nodded.

‘And how exactly did you two mange to form a partnership?’ Jim asked them, ‘it is clear from your appearances that you are most likely not related.’ 

‘No, we’re not.’ T said, looking fondly at Rebel. ‘Although she’s family to me now. My husband and I were heading up to Manchester to find my brother and his girlfriend in the week after this all kicked off. We had stopped just north of London, and were scouting out a Tesco’s superstore, just scavenging really when she nearly shot our heads off, the brat.’ They smiled at each other as they thought back. ‘So we managed to convince her drop the rifle she was waving around and come with us.’ 

‘And then?’ 

‘And then we made it North, and ran into the two guys we’re taking you to meet.’ Rebel said, ‘they were pretty organised, had a camp set up and everything. So we joined them and here we are now. T and I are patrol scouts. We go out on raids, get supplies that sort of thing.’

‘And your husband?’ Jim asked T. 

‘He’s a sniper.’ She said, ‘Spent way too much time playing Battlefield, but as it turns out that was really good for something. He’s back at the camp, protecting it.’ 

‘So he is a soldier, although I am not sure why you refer to the battlefield as playing.’ Ross said, ‘It is anything but.’ That set the two women laughing again.

‘Oh Good Lord.’ T said, ‘You boys are going to be very entertaining.’

‘Absolutely.’ Rebel agreed, and they fist bumped.

“Yeah yeah we’re all hilarious.” Mitchell grumbled. “Can we get in the van now? I really don’t want to see any more of those things any time soon.” Dean picked up one of the machetes and placed it in the van. Aidan smiled as he got in.

“Aren’t you used to dead people Mitchell?” Mitchell shook his head. 

“I was used to Annie but zombie’s always kinda freaked me out, and it was only ever one zombie before. Hoards are something else.” 

They all piled into the car, Rebel and T leading the way in their boss mustang. They drove for a while, watching Rebel and T as they drove. 

It was beginning to get dark when they pulled up outside a large building. Rebel and T lead the way to a trap door to the right side of the building. 

“I could kill for a burger right about now.” Dean said. “I’d love one. With pickles and relish oh god.” There was a round of moans and “hell yeahs” from the rest of the group as T lent down to pull open the trap door. It was heavy and the ring was rusted. 

“Pickles?” Rebel said, wrinkling her nose. 

“I bet you’d eat one if there was a burger right in front of you.” Aidan quipped.

“Eggers can’t be cheesers you know.” Rebel cracked up. 

“My god that was awful! However, I accept your pun off T. Hit me with your best shallot.” T glared at her and Rebel’s grin widened. “Oh if looks could kale.”

“If you wanted to drive us all insane with your awful puns then mission a-corn-plished.” 

“Oh! Nice one Mitchell!” T threw over her shoulder. 

“Yeah, beet-er late than never.” The trap door was at last hauled all the way open and they all descended the steps.

“Well, here we are. Sweet home avocado.” T said striding inside the door. Aidan grinned and Dean held his stomach.

“Guys, seriously stop it!” Anders stormed past them into the building “Idiots, both of you!”

“We’ll go to the main safe house in the morning.” The safe house was little more than one room under the building with limited beds and light. There was little else to do but got to sleep so Fili and Kili climbed up on the top bunk of one of the beds. Kili braided his brother’s hair and, after a while, they fell asleep, curled up around each other. Aidan smiled gently and covered them with a blanket. Mitchell and Anders took the bottom bunk on the other side of the room. Anders was complaining from a headache allegedly caused by Rebel and T’s constant pun off since arriving. 

They both sat by the door, T was taking apart her rifle and Rebel was sharpening a piece of wood with a small dagger sheathed in her boot. They were talking quietly and, as he listened, Dean heard that they were still muttering food related puns to each other. 

“These puns are getting downright cheesy Rebel.” T blew down the barrel of the gun without looking up. Rebel continued sharpening the wood. 

“Yes, they really aren’t cutting the mustard anymore.” T cocked an eyebrow and their eyes met over their weapons. They both giggled. Dean was quickly learning that under all the bravado and weaponry, those two girls were some big fucking nerds. Jim and Ross were quietly continuing their card session. Ross looked just as perplexed by the rules as he had done that morning. 

Dean walked towards the last bed only to see Aidan already asleep under the blanket. He turned to the only other bed in the room but Rebel and T had moved to sit on it, planning their route for the following morning. Dean sighed and climbed his way gingerly into bed, lying in front of Aidan carefully so as not to wake him. 

Aidan sighed softly in his sleep and cuddled closer to Dean, slinging an arm over Dean’s side. Anders was grinning at him from across the room and he mouthed ‘fuck off’ before relaxing back onto the mattress and falling asleep. 

They were woken the next morning by the smell of cooking. They found T frying bread on a camper cooker by the cars. Rebel was waist deep in the boot, reloading most of the weapons. Keeping only a sword and two guns, which she tucked away on her person, she handed T a pistol which she tucked into one of the many holsters about her waist. 

“Morning boys!” She grinned, waving the frying pan around her. “Foods up!” They all ate in silence and then helped load up the truck. There was a ledge overlooking the next city, far off in the distance. Even from their position this far away, they could still see the smoke rising from the skyline. 

“How did this even happen?” Dean asked. 

“Who cares how it fucking happened Dean? It happened and now we have to deal with it end of.” Anders turned from them and walked away. Rebel crossed her arms and watched him go.

“Charming little shit isn’t he?”

“I heard that!”

“You were meant to!” Anders turned and threw up both his arms. 

“I was written that way, I can’t be held accountable for what I say.” Mitchell sighed. 

“Sorry Dean, he really is a dick sometimes.” Dean just chuckled. 

“I know, believe me, I made him that way... sort of...” Mitchell smiled and walked off after him.

Mitchell found him standing by the minivan.

“You’re worried about them aren’t you?” Anders knew who he was talking about and looked at Mitchell like he was crazy.

“What the fuck? Of course not! Those dickheads don’t care what happens to me so why in the hell should I care about them?” Mitchell wrapped his arms around Anders waist and rested his head on Anders’ shoulder.

“You can’t lie to me babe.” He said with a smile. He felt Anders sag in defeat. 

“Mike is just the sort of asshole who’ll pretend he knows everything and get himself killed. Ty would insist on being all chivalrous to display his extremely limited masculinity in front of the fair Dawn and Axl is such a moron he’d die in five minutes.” Mitchell squeezed him in a hug. 

“They’ll be fine babe.” 

“I’m not worried about them!” Mitchell teasingly stroked his hair.

“I know.” 

Rebel, Aidan and Dean approached the van. Rebel told them to follow her and T like before and Ross slid in behind the wheel. Aidan sat beside him, trying to teach him to drive. Mitchell got in behind Ross and watched Anders as he sat in the back seat. Gazing out of the window, careful to hide the look of worry that crossed his face.

After losing sight of the great black car in front of them no less than four times. It was decided that Aidan should take the wheel and Ross sulked in the passenger seat until Jim leant forward and kissed him soundly on the cheek. The two 18th century boys were just coming to terms with the acceptance of public displays of attention. In their time, after all, it was unheard of for two men to embrace in the eyes of others and after years of being very restrained in public, the two were getting more and more comfortable around the others as a couple. Mitchell smiled at them. Their small acts of public affection made him smile as did their obvious enjoyment from being able to perform such acts. 

With an actual experienced driver behind the wheel. They easily found the Mustang. It was parked at the side of the road and Rebel poked her head out of the window, clutching her hat to her head at the wind that whipped around her. 

“You guys alright?” She called, eyebrow raised. 

“Yeah we’re good. We tried to teach Ross here to drive and we got lost!” Aidan called back. Ross scowled and sank lower in his seat. His usually ram rod posture slackened, to the amusement of the others in the car, who all hid smirks. 

The Mustang moved off again, moving at a noticeably slow pace which only added to Ross’s embarrassment. Jim wound his arms around the soldier’s chest from behind the seat. Mal and carver  
An hour or so later, they arrived. A giant set of mesh gates blocked the entrance to what looked like an abandoned industrial complex. The gates were bent inwards, like something had tried to force its way through them and there were men and women standing on either sides on the gates, guns strapped to their backs. Obviously lookouts. One of them, a young man with wiry black hair spotted them and pointed the gun at them.

“Who are you?” he shouted. T climbed out of the car and waved at him wildly. “T is that you?” Rebel stood on the car bonnet, sliding down it to stand beside T. “And Rebel, thank god where the hell were you guys? You’ve been gone for so long!” Rebel shouted back.

“We had a little trouble, can you get Mal and Carver. We got some people they’re gonna want to meet.” The guy nodded and lowered his gun. 

“Open the gates! Rebel and T are back, and get the bosses!” A moment passed and the gates groaned and started to open. It didn’t even get all the way before a tall bearded man with a tattoo on one forearm came running out of the gates, colliding with T and almost sending her to the ground. 

“Oh thank god you’re alright!” The man exclaimed, pulling T close. “You were gone for so long I was starting to get worried!” He looked at Rebel and pulled her into a hug too. 

“It’s ok Mr T, we’re all right.” Rebel said smiling. “Nothing we can’t handle.” 

Another two figures appeared at the gates. Mitchell turned to them and his eyes widened. 

“Holy fuck.” 

“What is it?” Anders joined him outside of the car. “Oh...” he said, catching sight of the figures as they walked towards them. “Fuck me.” Mitchell nodded, still starring.

“Literally.” The figures stopped in front of them and Mitchell couldn’t help but notice how hot he looked with an eyepatch…


	6. They're doing what????

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is my turn to introduce the boys and their crazy antics....yup that's all I'm going to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are great! Thanks to FiliKiliThorinForever for the commentary, which we loooooooove :)

Mal and Carver were quite something Dean mused, as he followed what had to be by far the most kickass version of himself he’d encountered so far. For one thing Carver was hard looking, tattooed and scarred. He had to admit that it was a look he approved of. And as for Mal, well. If your idea of heaven was tall dark and dangerous looking, then Mal was a wet dream come to life.

Hang on. Where the fuck did that from? Did he just have an Aidan’s-doppelganger-is-hot moment?

Living in the camp wasn’t half as bad as he’d expected. The main perimeter was made up of buildings and chain link fencing which was very effective at keeping the zombies out. The flat roofs of the industrial buildings made for perfect vantage points. Mark, or Mr T as Dean had taken to thinking of T’s husband, was in command of a small group of snipers, the vast majority of whom turned out to have been obsessive gamers in their previous lives. They kept watch from the rooftops around the clock, working in shifts to pick off any zombie that was unwise enough to come close enough to have its head blown off. 

The buildings themselves were used as barracks, workshops and storage rooms. There was even one section that had been turned into a makeshift hospital. The survivors were nothing if not organised. There were even caravans hauled into the parking lot at the centre of the complex, and each one was occupied by small groups or couples. T and Mr T had a fairly sizeable one over on the far side for themselves and their beagle, with a smaller one which belonged to Rebel and her three collies parked next to it. He and the other Aideans (Christ they sounded like a fucking boy band) had been given an empty campervan that was fucking huge. That was good if they were all expected to crash in the same space. Kili and Fili had immediately hijacked the berth over the driver’s compartment. Jim and Ross had taken one double berth that was made up from the eating section, and Anders and Mitchell had the double berth at the back. That left the single berths that pulled down from the ceiling for him and Aidan. It was like the weirdest slumber party in the world, but he had to admit it was starting to all seem very sweet to him. They all had different sleeping styles, further marking them out as individuals, and not just carbon copies of himself and Aidan. Fili and Kili were like puppies, happily lying all over each other with no concept at all of personal space. Jim and Ross slept face to face, each with a hand on each other’s hips, and Mitchell and Anders did big spoon and little spoon respectively. 

They had also started to blend in with the others. That had been fun. Rebel and T had dragged the 18th Century boys and the dwarves with them to a nearby high street where they had raided a clothes shop. Kili and Fili had apparently not been too pleased with having to wear kid’s clothes, but Jim and Ross had taken to it like ducks to water, musing happily about how comfortable everything was. T had also taken them with her and Mr T onto the roof and spent the afternoon teaching them how to shoot the sniper rifles they had, and both had turned out to be naturals. That, and the fact that Mr T had been a keen amateur historian before the outbreak, meant they had been assigned to his team. They were well suited to it, having spent long hours on watch in their own world. The three of them would sit up top talking about ships and cannons and all the other historical crap they found interesting. 

Fili and Kili had been given to one of the skirmish teams, being close combat fighters. They went out on patrols most days, clearing the nearby streets and buildings of zombies and making sure there were none dig in too deeply in their home territory. Anders and Mitchell and he and Aidan had been put into a four man raiding team, under the direction of Rebel and T who were experienced scavengers. They would follow them in the minivan, collecting supplies and equipment. Dean had been amazed the first time he went into one of the storage buildings and found it to be packed. 

And so they fell into a regular pattern. They would scavenge by day, sometimes staying out overnight and sleeping in safe houses. The girls were starting to seriously grow on him, and he’d even found himself joining in with the awful pun game they had invented.

‘We missed that last zombie by a whisker.’ That was T. They were crouched down on the far side of an abandoned house. Rebel and Dean were panting beside her.

‘It would have been a terrible mouse-stake if we had run into it.’ Rebel retorted.

‘Oh well, at least we have time for a paws.’ 

‘Otherwise we would have had to turn tail.’

‘A paws would be purr-fect.’ he found himself saying. Oh crap.

And so it went. Of course the Aideans were very considerate and kept themselves to themselves as much as possible but, unfortunately, the inevitable occurred. Surprisingly it was Jim and Ross they caught first. He and Aidan would have put good money on it being Anders and Mitchell. 

**************

The first time had come as a complete surprise. They were out in the van about five miles from the camp.It was raining so hard it looked like they were driving through a car wash. Anders looked through the windscreen, trying to make out the road.

‘This is fucking ridiculous.’ he said, ‘I can’t see a bloody thing.’ 

‘Maybe we should just go back.’ Mitchell said. He was in the front next to him, feet up on the dashboard. ‘I don’t fancy catching a cold.’

‘Can vampires even catch colds?’ Aidan asked him. Mitchell gave him a look, and he shut up. They were all feeling a little edgy. The rain had been going on for three days already. This was very good for the camp, who used the rain to top up their supplies in the numerous rain butts dotted around the complex. It was also a good time to do laundry and have an impromptu shower. The Aideans had been a little surprised to find everyone in swimming costumes up on the roof of the main building. They had spent most of the day inside. Mr T had explained that for some bizarre reason zombies didn’t like the rain and headed for cover.

But after three days, everyone in the camper van was getting on each other’s nerves. So Rebel had commandeered the dwarves, taking them with her to her own caravan to play board games, and T had suggested the boys go out for a bit to do some perimeter checks and scavenging. 

‘Right, that’s it.’ Anders declared. He put the van in reverse, did a three million point turn and started heading back. When they got back to the complex, they ran into T at the front gate. 

‘You boys back already?’ she called up.

‘Too much bloody rain.’ Mitchell replied out of his window.

‘Well that’s good actually. I could use some vampire strength. We need to move some generators across to another part of the back warehouse. There’s a leak in the roof.’

‘Sure thing.’ He said, ‘We’ll be there in a few minutes.’ She gave him a thumbs up and headed off in the direction of the back of the compound. Anders pulled the van into the compound, parked and turned to Mitchell.

‘Why do you always volunteer us for crap?’

‘Because you’re a lazy bastard who needs the exercise. Besides I could do with a little alone time with you.’ He gave Anders a brilliant smile. Anders snorted, then looked over the seat at Dean and Aidan.

‘What are you two going to do?’

‘Head back to the caravan I guess.’ Aidan said, and Dean nodded in agreement. 

‘Right we’ll see you later.’ He and Mitchell got out and ran for the warehouse. Dean and Aidan could just make out a point where Anders gave Mitchell a none too gentle shove into a very large puddle. The distant sound of Irish accented profanity reached them.

‘Those two are nuts.’ Aidan said.

‘And yet disgustingly cute at the same time.’ Dean shook his head. ‘Come on we better make a run for it.’

They sprinted across the main parking area, ducking around caravans until they got to their own vehicle. In hindsight it may have been a good idea to check for any occupants first, but the fact that most of the other Aideans were currently elsewhere had made them a little absentminded. 

They threw themselves through the door and then stopped dead at the sight in front of them. Dean didn’t know who was more surprised, him and Aidan or Jim and Ross. Certainly from his vantage point, Jim’s face was the easiest to read. Ross’ was a little more difficult considering he was bent face down over the dinette table. They both had their jeans down around their knees. It was very obvious what they were doing from the noises they were making. That and the thrusting. Which was VERY energetic. It was making the whole dinette table creak alarmingly.

‘Holy Mother of God!’ Aidan said, going from zero to full on Irish in less than a second. Dean was not convinced that he wouldn’t start crossing himself in a moment. He grabbed Aidan by the arm and hauled him out of the door, slamming it shut behind them. He could just hear Ross and Jim laughing, before they started making those bloody noises again. He needed some fucking earplugs and about a gallon of eye bleach. 

'Well, that was interesting.' Aidan said.

'That's all you have to say on the matter, is it? Interesting.'

'Yeah.' Adian replied, 'I always figured that you would go on the bottom.'

'Fuck off! I so wouldn't. And why the fuck have you been thinking about it?'

'Oh, no reason.'

**************

Of course the 18th century boys had been rather apologetic about the whole affair, later on at dinner that night they’d apologised, but they made it quite clear that they would continue. A sock on the door signal was agreed on and, for the most part, everybody seemed to take it in their stride. 

Dean and Aidan had hoped that would be the end of it, but apparently Fili and Kili hadn’t received the memo. Three days later Dean and Aidan had another eye bleach moment when they found Kili on his knees in front of his brother in one of the storage rooms. Fili had just winked at them, the little bastard, and carried right on fucking his brother in the mouth. Dwarves, Dean decided, had absolutely no decorum whatsoever. 

The last to be stumbled upon were the god and the vampire. And while there hadn’t been actual penetration involved, there had been mutual masturbation and a whole lot of blood play going on. By this time Dean was starting to feel like an unfortunate crew member on a very bizarre porno. 

If he’d thought Mal and Carver were any different he was sadly mistaken when they had confirmed the romantic nature of their relationship almost without prompting, removing the fingerless leather gloves they wore to show off a pair of matching white gold wedding rings. That was the last fucking straw. 

So here he was, following Carver around camp listening to how he and Mal met. All the togetherness was having a very strange effect on him. Like how he’d noticed over the last few days he’d began to think in doubles terms. It was natural given their relationships, they all kind of slipped off the tongue – Fili and Kili, Jim and Ross, Anders and Mitchell and now Mal and Carver. But when he thought of himself, it was like a little voice in his head was automatically adding another name in. Dean and Aidan. Aidan and Dean. All he needed was the fucking sitting in a tree rhyme which had thankfully been spared up until this point.

***********

Aidan wasn’t having much of a better time. He was sat, slumped over on the roof with Ross and Mitchell. In light of the fact they all seemed to suck balls at card games, they had decided that Scrabble was a safer option. While they played, he found himself considering the two men before him. Unlike Dean, whose copies were at least more or less physically distinguishable, it wasn’t the same with him. Fili was short, Jim was obviously a lot younger and his face clearly showed it, Carver had the tattoos and Anders kept his hair a lot shorter than Dean did. 

But if you lined him, Mitchell, Ross and Mal up and looked at them from the left side, you would have found it impossible to tell the difference. Not only that but he found they all seemed to be a lot more in synch than the Deans. 

It was his turn and he was trying to figure out what to make with three Xs and a V, when he noticed Ross and Mitchell both staring contemplatively at Jim, who was busy field stripping and cleaning rifles with Mr T. 

‘You know,’ Mitchell started, ‘your boy is pretty fucking hot.’ Ross frowned.

‘I don’t think he is feeling the heat today any more than us.’ he said. Mitchell laughed and Aidan hid a smile.

‘No, you idiot. Hot as in attractive. Fuckable.’

‘I see.’ Ross said, then smiled brightly, ‘It is an idiom.’

‘Yes it is.’

‘In that case you are correct. He is indeed very ‘hot’ as you say.’ There was a moment of quiet before Ross spoke again. ‘Anders is not unattractive either. It has given me a good idea as to what Jim will look like in the future and I am not displeased.’ There was a mischievous smile on his face. ‘I must confess to having entertained a curiosity as to what he is like.’ 

‘We’ve been here for weeks. You already know what he is like.’ Aidan said without really paying much attention to the context the remark was made in. He gave up on his tiles and passed on his turn. Then he noticed the look passing between Ross and Mitchell. ‘Oh Christ, no! No, no, no, no, and fucking no!’ But Mitchell had already discarded his tiles and was now stretching back on his hands, contemplating what was being said.

‘It would be interesting.’ Mitchell said, smiling back now in a particularly evil way. ‘We could swap.’ 

‘Or have him at the same time.’ Ross countered. 

‘Now, that idea I like.’ Mitchell replied and the looks they were now giving Jim were positively predatory. 

That was how the threesomes started. Of course once Anders found out, they had to become a foursome. By the end of the week, Fili and Kili were watching. Two weeks later they were participating. 

There were nights when a certain look went round the dinette table that had Dean and Aidan running in fear of their sanity.


	7. Did I wake in the 90's?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How else tdo you relieve tension during a zombie apocalypse? Why a rave of course!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once more to the brilliant comments. Many many ideas are whirring around our heads. In the meantime, news of a gathering between bases reaches the Aideans. What could possibly go wrong? ... or right?

A few weeks later and the Aideans had settled into a domestic situation that would have given Freud enough to write about for the rest of his career had he still been alive. There was a great camaraderie and they were always hanging on each other, ruffling hair and smacking arses. Dean and Aidan had even gotten used to most of the ideas they had had to confront. They’d largely done this by corralling themselves in two separate spaces and demanding explanations as to what they hell they were doing. The answer had been that while the individual couples all loved each other very much it wasn’t technically cheating because it was still all with the same person or simply extended masturbation. Anders had been the one to come up with particular gem. So they had let it go, and once the novelty had worn off the Aideans had gone back to mostly just fucking their own partner, although apparently they’d had one hell of a send-off that involved all the Aidans watching all the Deans go at it and then vice versa. 

It was in one such domestic situation that Anders declared that he was bored. He was lying on his bed with Mitchell, head in his lap. It had been raining non-stop for three days which was great for their water supplies, but not so good for their tempers. Fili and Kili were up in their berth, having discovered the joy that was the handheld Nintendo that Rebel had liberated for them from a cash Converters they’d raided. Jim and Ross were on sniper duty, which left Aidan and Dean to sit at the dinette playing a half-hearted game of Monopoly. 

‘You’re always bored, babe.’ Mitchell replied, running his fingers through Anders’ hair. ‘You just have to deal with it.’

‘Noooo, I don’t. I just need to find something to direct my not inconsiderable energy into.’ Anders said thoughtfully, ‘I need a project.’ Aidan realised later, that he and Dean really should have been paying attention at this point as a bored Anders was always a dangerous Anders. 

It started with whispered conferences that they were not party to. Then there were the convenient times when he and Dean were simply left alone together. In truth he really should have been quicker on the uptake. Dean also seemed to notice the change in circumstances around them and asked Aidan about it. 

‘What do you think they’re up to?’ he asked Aidan, a few days later.

‘I have a horrible feeling we’re being pushed together.’ Aidan replied. 

***********

It was a very excited Rebel who bounced into the campervan that morning, waking all of them. She’d kind of gotten used to coming and going as she pleased, falling in with the dwarves who were technically speaking about the same age. 

‘Wake up!’ she screeched in glee, ‘We’re going to a rave tonight!’

‘Jesus fuck.’ Mitchell moaned, pulling the duvet over his head and inadvertently smothering Anders, ‘Did I wake up in the fucking nineties?’ 

‘God, I hope not.’ Dean muttered from his bead above them, ‘The nineties had the worst ways to get fucked up.’ 

‘What is a rave? Is it a gathering of mad people?’ Kili asked, moving to sit at the edge of his and Fili’s berth, legs hanging down over the edge. He kicked them at Rebel playfully, until she grabbed one ankle in retaliation and pulled him down, grabbing him in a squeeze and swinging him around until he was yelling in protest.

‘No, you adorable creature.’ She giggled, kissing the top of his head, much to his annoyance. ‘Well, I suppose some of them will probably be mad. It’s a big party, all the survivor camps have them every couple of months, helps us connect and network and also blow off a little steam.’  Anders pulled the duvet off his head and looked at her.

‘A party? Like music, dancing and more importantly alcohol?’ he asked.

‘All of the above.’ Rebel confirmed, ‘Make sure you boys dress up.’ And with that she released the grumbling dwarf she was holding on to and ran out the door, still making enough noise for three people.


	8. Eat, Sleep, Rave, Repeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rave begins....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a safety note kids. Never drink unidentifiable alcohol from brown bottles :)

They all bundled into the cars later that evening, Mr T, T, Rebel and some of the others in the Mustang, Carver and Mal in their own 4x4 and the Aideans in the minivan. Mitchell had managed to find the most god awful selection of cd’s in a shop somewhere, smuggling them into the van and worse still teaching Ross and Kili the words, so they all belted along. It seemed to be another quirk of the Aidans that they all loved cheesy pop songs, even the two that had never heard of them before. The Deans heaved a collective sigh, giving their counterparts a look that said simultaneously I love this man and this man is the biggest dork on the planet. 

The rave was being held a few towns over, on the outskirts in a massive building that used to be a depot for Tescos. This of course meant all the crappy junk food and alcohol you could shake a stick at, all piled up on metal shelving units that ran up to the roof. It was the most surreal thing Dean and Aidan had ever seen. There was very little in the way of lighting, except for strings and strings of garden and fairy lights that hung from shelf to shelf. 

There was a massive bank of generators, but their persistent hum was drowned out by the music. It was so strange hearing music at this volume again, and Dean felt his ears ring. He probably wouldn’t be able to hear a thing after a couple of hours. 

‘This is awesome!’ Mitchell yelled over the music at Anders, ‘I haven’t been to a rave since 1995.’ Anders grimaced at the noise, grabbing Dean and heading to the bar. Ross and Jim had already disappeared, and the dwarves were already bouncing around the makeshift dance floor in the large space at the front of the depot with Rebel. Dean grabbed T and started pulling her along with them.

‘Go on then!’ Anders shouted back, ‘We’re going to get a drink.’ He grabbed Mr T’s arm and started pulling him along with them.

‘Good idea!’ Mr T declared, giving T a quick squeeze on the arse and sending her, Aidan and Mitchell off to go dance with Rebel and the dwarves. 

The three of them then headed for the bar, which was actually the office area right against the far wall. Mr T grabbed a nondescript brown bottle and some plastic cups and they went to where a bunch of plastic patio chairs and tables had been set up. Mr T poured out the clear alcohol.

‘Bottoms up motherfuckers.’ he said and downed his drink. Anders grinned and followed suit. Dean stared into his cup, deeply suspicious, a feeling only compounded when both Mr T and Anders started coughing violently. When they both stopped they had tears running down their faces.

‘Holy fuck!’ Anders spluttered, ‘I could strip fucking paint with that.’

‘True, but it gets the job done,’ Mr T said, taking out a pack of cigarettes and offering one to him. Anders took it and Mr T lit it up before turning his attention to his own. They both leaned back, blowing out the smoke contentedly. Anders eyed Dean’s cup.

‘You’re not drinking.’ Dean grimaced and complied, then started his own coughing fit. 

‘Jesus, that’s strong.’

‘80% proof I think you’ll find.’ Anders said with the air of a connoisseur. He tipped his cup at Mr T who dutifully filled it, then his own. They both looked at Dean, who sighed then handed his cup over.

‘Ok, but you two are taking responsibility for what happens.’ he hesitated a moment then added, ‘and give me a fucking cigarette. If I’m going down with this ship, I might as well do it properly.’ He couldn’t understand what was funny about what he’d just said, but Anders started laughing hysterically.

On the dance floor, Rebel and T were having a whale of a time. Fili and Kili had disappeared somewhere around waist level in the crowd on people and Mitchell kept wandering off. Aidan had called it quits after about four dances and gone to find Dean. They joined an impromptu conga line during ‘Eat, Sleep, Rave, Repeat’, moving through the building. At one point they picked up the dwarves, then lost them again. There were so many people from different camps, some they knew and some they didn’t. Then they passed a familiar face.

‘Mitch!’ T called, ‘What are you doing dancing with a zombie?’ 

‘Oh fuck me.’ he said, laughing and getting away from the short blonde zombie as quickly as possible. ‘I thought it was Anders. You really can’t tell the difference with the way he dances.’ The music changed to Gangnam Style, and the whole building went nuts, moshing up and down like they were having a collective seizure. 

“Oh Christ, would you look at that.’ T giggled, pointing. A line of zombies had managed to get inside the building, the thumping music was too much for their senses and seemed to act like a tranquiliser. They shuffled aimlessly around the room. Rebel caught one by the arm and quickly bound its mouth, making sure it couldn’t bite anyone. The zombie were desperately trying to Gangnam. 

‘That has Bragi’s fingerprints all over it.’ Mitchell said, and the three of them nearly collapsed laughing at the thought. 

***********  
Back at the table Aidan stared at Dean in horror. He was drunk. Not just drunk but beyond the pale drunk, drunk by naval standards drunk as the 18th century boys put it. Jim and Ross had returned from whichever dark corner they’d been cavorting in and had joined the party. The whole table seemed to be hiding in a pall of cigarette smoke and alcohol fumes, and Aidan got very nervous every time Mr T lit up his zippo because he could just see the immediate area erupting in a fireball from all the evaporated alcohol. 

‘Come on lightweight.’ he said, slapping Aidan so hard on the back he almost fell out of his chair. Mr T was a bear of a man and packed quite a wallop. ‘I thought the Irish were supposed to be a nation of drinkers.’ 

‘There’s drinking and then there’s suicide by moonshine.’ Aidan protested, desperately trying to avoid the inevitable. He glanced around the table. Dean was almost flat out, Anders was barely any better and the Ross and Jim were leaning on each other for support, hands on each other’s thighs. 

‘Go on, go on, go on.’ Mr T said, grinning at him. ‘You only live once.’ Aidan took the drink and knocked it back completely against his better judgement. This got a loud cheer from the others. Then it really started getting messy.

Rebel, T and Mitchell managed to make their way to the seating area with some difficulty. The music had hit Lady Gaga stage and Bad Romance was belting out of the speakers. When they found their companions, they made quite the picture. 

Ross had Jim straddled across his lap and the two of them were snogging each other’s faces off. Anders had passed out and was drooling on the table top. Mr T was practically cross-eyed from the alcohol and cigarette smoke. 

‘Hello you gorgeous creature.’ he greeted his wife, grabbing her round the hips and pulling her against him. ‘Have you been having fun?’

‘Lots.’ she replied grinning. Mr T looked around her at Rebel and Mitchell.

‘Where the kids?’ he asked, which is what he called Fili and Kili.

‘Somewhere out there in the great beyond.’ Rebel said, waving her hand at the dance area. They all collapsed in the chairs around the table, Mitchell hauling the insensible Anders into his arms. That was when they noticed.

‘Hang on a minute.’ Mitchell said, ‘Where are Dean and Aidan?’

Rebel looked around but the smoke was making it hard for her to see. She waved a hand in front of her face half-heartedly and shrugged.

“I can’t see them… maybe they’re outside?” Fall Out Boy blurted over the speakers and Rebel dragged a reluctant T back onto the dance floor. Mr T chuckled at his wife’s face as she went.

“I love you babe.” Anders was drooling against his shoulder. Mitchell grinned at his blonde counterpart and kissed him soundly.

“I know babe, come on let’s get you to bed.” Mitchell dragged Anders outside.


	9. Never hear the end of it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aidan becomes a gentleman when drunk and Dean becomes... Anders....

Aidan Tuner had a secret. As he sat at the long table that T, Mr T, Rebel, the Deans and his fellow Aidans had occupied, he looked around. They’d all been living in close quarters of each other surrounded by doppelgänger couples of themselves for two months now and he’d grown to love them all despite their annoying traits and their constant fucking. He enjoyed the time he spent with Dean and he knew he couldn’t kid himself into thinking his feelings didn’t go beyond that. Dean and all variations are fucking amazing. He loved Anders humour and Jim’s wit and Fili’s loyalty and Carver’s bravery. And Dean was something else entirely. It was like he is the best parts of all four of them put together. 

He watched Dean slamming down shots, trying and failing to keep up with Mr T who seemed to have an amazing level of alcohol tolerance. His cheek were flushed pink. Aidan quietly gulped down his own drink. He could in fact, hold his alcohol very well. Luck o’ the Irish he supposed. So, as everyone else seemed to be busy. He reluctantly grabbed Dean under his arms and guided him out of the depot after his ninth shot. They walked across the car park to where several camper vans were parked and opened the one at the end that belonged to one of Jim and Ross’s sniper team mates. 

Aidan struggled to unlock the door and then shoved Dean down onto the bed whilst he hunted through cupboards for the bedsheets. He heard Dean fumbling to take his shoes off and chuckled to himself. He found the sheets and closed the cupboards. Just as Dean’s arms wrapped around his waist. Aidan held his breath but didn’t turn around.

“You’re the best you know that?” He slurred. Aidan forced himself to calm down and turned in his grip. Coming face to face with a flushed and hooded eyed Dean who pressed himself close to Aidan. So close that he could smell the beer on his breath. 

“Yeah, I know Deano, come on let’s get you into bed.” He tried to remove Dean’s hands from his hips but Dean shook his head.

“No you don’t get it. You’re the best truly…” he leant forward and pressed his lips against Aidan’s. “Amazing.” He finished, voice barely above a whisper and a broad grin covering his face that screamed Anders. 

“You look pleased with yourself.” He mused. Dean smiled and finally dropped his hands. Aidan grabbed his hands and put them back. Dean raised an eyebrow. 

“I am. I’m also roaring drunk and I feel a bit sick but I want to kiss you again.” Aidan grinned back and touched their foreheads together briefly before moving his hands to cup Dean’s face. He bought their lips together and Aidan moaned at the sensation. Dean tasted of alcohol and mint and it made Aidan dizzy. Dean’s fingers knotted in his hair, applying pressure. Aidan mewled, not even caring what sounds were coming out of his mouth. His hands fisted in Dean’s shirt and kept the two of them flush with each other. Dean smiled into the kiss and experimentally pulled and played with Aidan’s hair and Aidan groaned loudly making Dean pull back and smile at him again.

“Hair pulling huh?” he quipped. 

“Shut up and kiss me.” Dean laughed and pulled Aidan down to him again. 

“Yes Sir.” He peppered Aidan’s face with kisses, making the Irish actor smile sweetly. 

“You’re a soppy drunk.” He commented. Dean scoffed and moved to kiss and nip at Aidan’s neck. Aidan started panting and it was his turn to grasp at Dean’s hair, fingers slipping through the silky strands. 

“Yeah but you love it.” Aidan started to laugh then Dean bit his neck and it turned into another moan. 

“You turn into…ah… into Anders when you’re….when you’re drunk. You notice that?” Dean gave him a look that made him laugh and then his face went green and he pushed Aidan away, lunging for the bathroom on the other side of the van. 

Aidan slumped back on the bed and held a hand to his chest. He could feel his heart beating fast under his finger tips and he was breathing harshly. He laughed as he heard Dean groan. A moment later, Dean appeared a moment later and Aidan had to laugh at the expression on his face.

“You ok there?” He teased. Dean flopped down beside him and they lay facing each other.  
“No, I had way too much to drink. What was I thinking letting Anders talk me into drinking that super strong stuff?” Aidan laughed again and Dean grinned at him, it turned to a grimace that made Aidan laugh harder. Dean looked at him for a moment, a soft smile gracing his lips and he drew small circles on Aidan’s hip. 

“You sure you’re ok?” Aidan whispered. Dean nodded and Aidan opened his arms. ”Come here.” Dean scooted over and Aidan wrapped his arms around him. 

He awoke a few hours later. It was still dark outside and when he went to check the door to the van. He found it locked. Mitchell was standing against the van next to theirs and raised a hand in greeting. Aidan glared at him and at the key he spun around one finger flipped him off and turned away from the window to see Dean stirring on the bed. 

“Hey.” Aidan sat down beside him and Dean stretched and smiled lazily up at him. “Hey.” He kissed him, dragging Aidan down until he was lying on top of him and Dean started open mouth kissing along his shoulders. Aidan hummed at the sensation and pressed a chaste kiss to Dean’s temple.

“I’m glad to see you’re not regretting earlier.” Aidan mused, trying not to show his relief. Dean frowned and took he face in his hands.

“Of course I don’t Aid.” He said seriously. “I like you. You daft Irish idiot.” They both chuckled and Aidan batted his hands away. “And anyways.” Dean continued, putting both arms behind his head and Aidan lay beside him. “We’re surrounded by all different variations of ourselves that are always fucking. It was going to happen sometime.” Aidan propped himself up on one elbow and placed his hand on Dean’s chest.

“Was that an invitation?” His eyes sparkled and Dean grinned back at him. 

“If you’ll have me Aid.” Aidan laughed. 

“Oh I most certainly would.”

This next kiss was different. For one thing they were both sober now and this could not be explained away. The other thing was that it didn’t seem to end. It just got hotter and harder, and they knew they’d both stepped over a line. And before Aidan knew it, Dean was under him, shirt off and hand down the front of his jeans. He gasped as Dean’s hand got to what it was looking for, and his eyes flew open to look at him.

‘Dean.’ he said, voice warning, but also unable to say anything more than that.

‘Shut up.’ Dean whispered, reaching up and biting along his jawline, ‘I want this.’ His hand moved insistently and Aidan whined. He broke away long enough to pull his own shirt over his head and then he was back down again, hands blindly reaching for the buckle on Dean’s belt and undoing it. Once he got hold of him, he started his own rhythm and heard an answering moan from Dean. They lay like that, side by side and hands working until they both arched against each other, hands sticky and breathing like they’d just run a marathon.  
Dean was aware of a knocking on the door. He cracked one eye open and saw it was already bright outside. He threw an arm over his eyes and snuggled closer to Aidan who was till sound asleep beside him. Aidan and Dean. Dean and Aidan. The pair’s names sounded right in his head now. There was a knock on the door and Dean extracted himself from Aidan, smirking as the brunet moaned quietly and snuggled further into the covers. He opened the door and Mitchell and Anders stood there. Dean groaned.

“So” Mitchell said, a shit eating grin on his face. “Did our plan work?” Anders lent on arm on Mitchell shoulders. Dean sighed. 

“Fuck you.” He slammed the door of the van closed again and retreated back to bed. Trying to ignore the sound of laughter coming from outside. Aidan opened his eyes as Dean lay down again, pulling the covers back over them. 

“Oh god that wasn’t Mitchell and Anders was it?” Dean sighed and wrapped on arm around his waist.

“I’m afraid it was.” Aidan buried his head in Dean’s shoulder.

“We are never going to hear the end of this.” He groaned.


	10. Raven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> News about Aidan and Dean's latest discovery cause jokes amongst the group but the news of a hoard heading towards camp1quickly7 puts an end to all fun and games... DUN DUN DUN

Aidan had been right. When he and Dean finally managed to pull themselves bed they were greeted by wolf whistles and more than a few appreciative smirks. Jim and Ross were smiling knowingly and Fili and Kili actually cheered. Dean rolled his eyes and Aidan blushed and glared at Anders who was making kissy faces at him. 

Breakfast was eaten and then everyone piled into respective cars in order to head back to the base. Rebel exchanged words with a tall girl with short black hair and she smiled. The girl reached up and kissed Rebel’s cheek. They hugged for a long moment and Rebel climbed into the Mustang. They all waved to the rest of the party goers as they passed and headed back. 

When they arrived, the medical bay was flooded with travel sickness and hangovers, Anders and the dwarfs included. The rest of the Aideans went back to their camper. Rebel and T joined them. 

It didn’t take long for the teasing to start. It had started when the Aideans, Rebel and T had offered to go on a water collection whilst everyone else recovered from the night before. The game of puns that Dean had previously enjoyed was not quite as enjoyable when the subject of the game was aimed at him.

“I hope you two took it easy.” T remarked. “Rough sex isn’t all its choked up to be.” Rebel burst out laughing.

“Have you guys ever had sex whilst camping? It’s fucking in tents.” Aidan scowled in the back seat and Dean looked down, trying his best not to pay attention. 

“Enough of the gay jokes.” Fili said.

“Yeah cum on guys!” Kili finished and the collapsed against each other it fits of laughter.

“Just don’t give oral in the car guys. You’re sure to have a head on collision.” Everyone starred at Anders for a moment, he was forever going on about how stupid and pointless the pun game was. He was grinning broadly, his arms crossed. “Hey, what can I say this is my specialist subject.” He turned to Jim and Ross who were sat beside him. 

“If a soldier suffers from premature ejaculation he gets sent home for dishonourable discharge.” Jim and Ross’s eyes widened.

“I understood that reference!” Ross exclaimed. 

“Oh, got a lot of experience with dishonourable discharge do you Ross?” Mitchell quipped and the soldier’s cheeks flushed. 

“Guys, my god. Stop please!” T yelped from the front seat. “I’m going to crash the bloody car if goes on!” 

They drove on for a while longer, finally turning the conversation to something other than Aidan and Dean’s conquest. They instead, spoke of Rebel’s.

“It was not a conquest!” Rebel insisted. “You know how I am T, I’m just not interested in that stuff” T took one hand off the steering wheel and ruffled Rebel’s hair.

“I know, I’ve seen you with her before right? Bit of a long term thing.” Rebel nodded.

“I’ve been seeing her at gatherings for the past few months. Her sister was bitten about a week or so ago and she needed comforting. She’s a sweet girl and I like her a lot.” Rebel blushed and T elbowed her playfully. 

“Who’s that?” Jim said, pointing through the front mirror. T slowed down as of another car approached them. It was moving fast but screeched to a halt beside them. T rolled her window down as the man driving the other car did the same.

“Otenga? What’s wrong?” All jokes stopped as the all observed the man. His face was drawn and his eyes were alight with worry.

“There’s a hoard on the way.” Rebel and T’s eyes widened. “How many?” Rebel asked, taking out a gun and opening the glove box, pulling out a box of shells and slotting them in. 

“Around 30 of them… you have to turn around. We’re going on ahead to warn Carver and Mal. We’ll see you back at base.” T nodded and the car sped off then she stepped out of the car and walked round to the boot. 

“What’s going on?” Mitchell asked Rebel. Rebel finished loading her weapon and looked back at them. 

“We’ll explain when we get back to base, we haven’t got time right now.” Then she raised her voice. “T, we’ve got to move!”

“Jim, Ross, are your riffles back here?” Jim nodded and T took them out, passing the heavy guns to the 18th century boys. “Get into position and point the riffles out the back window. You see something running blow its head off.” T pulled a hand gun out of the boot and slung it across her chest before getting back in the driver’s seat and pulling away.

No one spoke on the way back, everyone was too in tune with Rebel and T’s up tightness. The mesh gates came into view just as Ross and Jim started shooting out of the back window. 

“There’s loads of them, we haven’t got enough shells! Whatever they are there are too many of them to handle.” T nodded.

“I know, it’s just to stall them. Open up!” she yelled. The heavy mesh gates opened ahead of them. They were signalled through and Aidan barely had time to get out of the car before Mal was beside them, his eyes burning with intensity.

“T, we’ve got the whole place in lockdown I need you and Mr T as well as all your snipers up where we can see the hoard without being too noticeable.” T raced off and he turned to Rebel. “I’m gonna need you up there too sugar. We need everyone we can get, your bow’s waiting by the ladders.” Rebel shot a look at Aidan over her shoulder before racing off to join T and the others. 

“Mal?” He turned. Aidan, Dean, Mitchell, Anders, Fili and Kili all looked at him questioningly.

“The fuck is going on?” Anders asked. Mal sighed. 

“You’ve seen what we’re up against out there right? The normal cliché shambling zombies that are too stupid to catch us. But these guys are different. When they first turn they retain certain... certain parts of the human thought process. It makes them more dangerous. The newly infected know how to hunt. They can coax and pretend they’re hurt to get to you close enough to hurt you.” 

Around them, sniper teams were rushing up and down ladders whilst the civilians crowded round in the main courtyard. All evidence of hangovers gone from their faces. Mal stopped to double check his gun and turned back to them. 

“They hate humans, maybe they’re aware of what they are and so despise humans who are what they once were. Some shit like that all we know is that they have been known to keep people suffering before death for prolonged periods of time.” Aidan heard Mitchell swallow behind him. “So right now we need to make sure they don’t know we’re here. The snipers are only if this goes wrong. If they know we’re here than they’ll stop at nothing to get in here.” Carver strode up to them and put his hand on Mal’s shoulder.

“We’re ready for them. Rebel spotted them about three hundred meters off, they’re heading this way.” He turned to them. “Get yourselves somewhere boys. Either up on the watch towers or down here ready for an attack.” With that the two ran off, shouting orders to those around them as they went.

Fili and Kili held volunteered to stay with those who could not fight whilst Anders, Mitchell, Aidan and Dean went up to the watch towers. They found Rebel, T and Mr T crouched down behind a piece of wood. 

“What’re we looking for here?” Mitchell asked. T turned to them.

“Nothing really. We’re here just in case they notice us. We take out as many as we can if they get too close.” Mitchell nodded “Ok, what can we do?”

“Mitchell, your senses are slightly better than ours yeah?” he nodded his confirmation. “Then you can be a better look out for us and Anders, Bragi might work on these guys we don’t know yet. We might need you if they come to the gates.” Anders nodded, serious for once.

“Got it.”

They sat for a while. Aidan had never known T and Rebel to be so quiet. There was no game of pun off. T’s eye stayed firmly on her viewfinder and Rebel’s gun stayed aimed at the horizon. Mitchell looked out over the walls, scanning the land for movement. His eyes widened.

“I can see them.” He said.

There were men and women running towards them. Infected he’d seen before just shambled aimlessly but these ones were sprinting towards them. They were the same deep grey as regular infected but as they drew closer Mitchell could see subtle differences. The hair hadn’t fallen out and the eyes were alight with anger and something else, something that made his stomach turn. Hunger. 

The snipers adjusted their positions and they all waited. Watching as the hoard came closer. When they were a hundred meters away Mitchell heard Rebel gasp. His head whipped round to her and saw that she was looking at one of the infected in particular. At the front of the pack stood a tall girl with short black hair. Her face was contorted with a scowl, her eyes dangerous and bright. Mitchell frowned for a moment before his eyes widened. That was the girl that Rebel had spent last night with. He saw Rebel trembling as she aimed her gun. She swallowed noisily and Mitchell clasped her shoulder, squeezing it gently. She looked at him and Mitchell could see tears in her eyes. Her gun wavered and she let it drop to her side. 

“I’d be a god awful shot right now.” She murmured. Mitchell moved to sit next to her and she started crying. “Raven.” She whispered. “Never knew her name, she never knew mine but…” She took a shuddering breath “… I really liked her Mitch.” Mitchell cradled her against his shoulder, letting her tears fall on his shirt. Mitchell saw some of the hoard turn in their direction and he tried his best to shush her. She buried her head in his shoulder, muffling her sobs in his shirt.

Minutes later they got the all clear. The hoard had moved on. Snipers clambered down from the roof until it was just T, Mr T, Mitchell and Rebel left on the tower. 

“They must’ve gone through the depot then made their way here.” T muttered. “I saw at least ten people that were there last night. I need to go tell Carver and Mal.” She rose, stopping to stroke Rebel’s hair as she passed. “It’ll be alright kiddo.” She murmured and climbed down the nearest ladder. 

“I’m sorry.” Rebel said, wiping tears from her eyes. “Some help I am. I almost gave away our position for Christ’s sake!” She stood up and oved back to the ladder, tears still falling down her cheeks. “I…I need a minute. I almost killed everyone here today because I couldn’t manage my emotions like a stupid bloody teenager!”

“But you loved her, didn’t you?” She laughed weakly and started down the ladder. 

“A load of good that did me.” Her voice cracked and she walked off towards her trailer. Mitchell, still worried about her, climbed down and walked after her.

**Author's Note:**

> So Ta-dah! Here it is. We started talking about a zombie idea with all the different Aidean ships that we talked about and this monstrosity was born! So there you go. Hope you enjoy it. We know we did. Rebel x
> 
> My friend T would now like to say a few words...
> 
> I am not responsible for my actions. Too much Aidean is never a bad thing :)


End file.
